60things

 60 things. And other stories.

This is my 60th year and I am going to do 60 new things throughout the course of the year and force people I know, and hopefully a few I don't, to read about these 60 things alongside my musings on the year from a distinctly middle age perspective. You will note the lack of a foreword or extended preamble to this literary endeavour but that is a reaction to the universally held view that everyone's attention span has been shot to pieces thanks to the constant use of technology especially through smart phones and social media. If I have been successful in keeping your attention this far I would not like you to fall by the wayside before you reach the beginning of the diary. 

 

January 1st 2024

The day of new beginnings and well intentioned resolutions and so here I am with my lovingly prepared list of 60 things and I am raring to go. Or I would be if it weren't for the fact that I have a cough which is proving to be rather productive, which is a rather splendid medical term for something which is rather unpleasant. In a similar vein I am also quite partial to 'unwanted response' when your head swells to twice the size following an allergic reaction. These terms rather play down the drama of it all and put you at your ease I feel. I also have the remnants of a cold which has plagued me since early December so all thoughts of 60 things are best put to one side. After all 365 days - 60 things. You do the maths.

I’m fortunate to be retired these past 4 years and have little in the way of responsibilities or commitments which means I’m able to spend time on what is unquestionably my favourite pastime. Granted it probably isn't recognised as a pastime in the true sense of the word but, my passion and chief occupation of the past few years has been to - potter. Yes that's right, I like to potter. I potter around the house. I potter in the garden. I potter around the village in which I live. I don’t, however, make ceramic pots.

To those unacquainted with the term 'to potter' I would direct you to the definition in the Cambridge Dictionary which states quite simply ‘to move around without hurrying, in a relaxed and pleasant way’. I like to think that when I walk past a couple talking in the street one of them will nod towards me and say to the other “look there’s whatsisname- he likes a good potter”. And the other would reply “ah yes and he does it in such a relaxed and pleasant way”. I don't rule out the possibility that they may also discuss the fact that I'm a bit of a weirdo.

For a man to be able to indulge his favourite hobby as he cruises through middle age would seem an idyllic way to go about things but yet, but yet, is this all a little bit easy? Am I settling into a bit of a rut? Am I in danger of pottering my way through my 60s and 70s without growing as a person? Am I closing the door, bolting the lock and wedging a chair under the door handle, on the chance to broaden my cultural horizons or to encounter fresh experiences and different challenges.? Clearly the answers to those questions are in the affirmative hence 60 things was born.

 

January 2nd 2024

To slightly misquote Henry II, will no one rid me of this turbulent cough?. Dr Johnny Gunn, my GP, certainly isn't keen on doing anything following a rather pointless visit to the surgery today. When I say surgery, I actually mean portacabin in the car park of the surgery which is where everyone is banished if they even hint at having some cold like symptoms. And when I say portacabin I mean a building so small that it could have been a converted telephone box. I was required to wear a mask which was probably for the best as I was practically sat on his knee throughout the consultation. I say consultation but it was more an exchange of views. I came in with the view that I needed antibiotics to clear a chest infection and a malingering bug but rather promptly left with his view that I just had a winter cold and that rest would be far better remedy than antibiotics and, in summary, I was basically a complete time waster. He didn't say that last bit. Well probably not until I left anyway. 

 

January 3rd 2024

I awake to a day as grey, windy, rainy and bleak as any I can remember and learn that we are in the midst of storm Henk. I am seriously beginning to think that they are making these names up now although I’m led to believe that certain storms are named after real persons who have previously shown their expertise in weather forecasting. I guess it must be seen to be an honour to have your meteorological prowess recognised in such a way, akin to having a star named after you or being immortalised as a disease resistant David Austin rose. That said I can’t help thinking that it is a double edged sword. Certain storms acquire a degree of notoriety and are remembered years later for the havoc that they wreaked at the time. Is the honour somewhat diminished when at a later date Henk is introduced at a dinner party. "Hey everyone we'd like you to meet our good friend Henk and for those of you that don't know this Henk was named after the great Storm Henk of 2024. You may remember the devastation it caused with countless properties destroyed and thousands left homeless and not to mention the highest death rate of any storm here in the UK". Henk, take a bow. 

I am still rather rankled by the insouciance with which Dr Gunn dismissed my symptoms yesterday and I've half a mind to demand an immediate telephone appointment so that I can bark like a distressed seal down the phone at him as I've been doing all morning much to the chagrin of the First Lady and the dog of the house. Doesn't he realise I've got 60 things to do this year.  

 

January 4th 2024

I awake to a day as grey, windy, rainy......well the same as yesterday in fact. A morning as disagreeable and unpleasant as my early morning coughing fit whilst out with the dog. Every time I started to cough he backed away and eyed me in an accusing manner as if to say I should take more care when in his vicinity in case I pass on some cross species virus. Thats all well and good but I'll take no lessons from a dog that has not 2 minutes earlier unearthed and promptly ate a cat turd.

60 things kick off with the start of my year long garden bird log (60things no1). I should explain that this means I intend to keep a list of different varieties of birds viewed from the house or garden. Initially, in keeping with the theme of this project, I had hoped for an end of year tally of 60 unique birds but this seems somewhat fanciful and would probably require the aforementioned Storm Henk or whoever follows to blow some rarities my way. This morning I can barely see out the window let alone identify anything. If the Australian rainbow lorikeet were to be blown off course into my garden its vibrant colours would be reduced to several hues of grey and go down on my list as a big nosed pigeon. After half an hour I call it a day with a list consisting of a jackdaw and a crow. Disappointing as that is, it does remind me of my favourite ornithological joke. What do you call 2 crows? Attempted murder.

 

January 5th 2024

5 days into the new year and if anyone is still following its probably a good time to disabuse people of the notion that the 60 things journal will be jam packed with exploits involving extreme sports and exotic locations. You may have assumed that anyway having learnt that sitting in my lounge with a pair of binoculars was my opening gambit. The 60 things list was drawn up with the aim of enriching my 60 year by means of culture, nature, philanthropy and learning new life skills. I will not be jumping out of an aeroplane but I will read a poem a day. I will not be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro but I aim to learn a song on the trumpet. I definitely won't be entering the Isle of Man TT races but I shall have a go at metal detecting. 

 

January 6th 2024

City break to Lincoln (60things no2) in a few days and the First Lady asks when I am planning to get my hair cut. That was less of a question and more of a directive. But that's fine because I need to be told given my general reluctance in going without some sort of verbal prod. Sadly there is little of my hair to maintain and what there is gradually turning grey so the idea of sitting for twenty minutes in front of full length wall mirror focussing attention in bright lights on my follically challenged condition is rather depressing. The experience doesn't go well from the start when asked "what can we do for you today, Sir" and all I can muster is a rather pathetic sounding "a bit of a tidy up please". The final coup de grace is when after 10 minutes or so my barber leans in and says in a hushed voice evidently to hide my embarrassment "Would Sir like me to remove your ear hairs?" Yes and Sir would also like you to explain why hairs sprout vigorously from my ears, nose and eyebrows but somehow find the task that much more difficult on top my head!

 

January 7th 2024

60things no3 is to listen to a podcast on a different subject each week. Your initial thought is likely to be that this is quite a tall order until you realise just how mind-blowing the actual number of podcasts released each week are and the staggering array of topics they cover. Statistics released at the beginning of this year show that there are over 5 million podcasts in the world boasting some 76 million episodes with a worldwide audience of 460 million. Big numbers. Listening to podcasts will not be a new thing to me this year but I have only listened regularly to select ones. My current favourites are from the Gary Lineker owned Goalhanger stable of podcasts - The Rest is Politics and The Rest is History. The former is presented by Tony Blair's former Director of Communications Alistair Campbell and former Tory cabinet minister Rory Stewart. Obviously initially from the opposite sides of the fence the angle was that they would disagree agreeably so presenting a balanced view on the subjects of the day. As the podcast has progressed over the past couple of years I think it is fair to say that the divide between them has narrowed chiefly over their shared abhorrence of the Tory omni-shambles of recent years and this has taken away a bit of the edge it had in the early days. Where it does excel however is the straightforward layman explaining of the issues of the day and the breadth of coverage of local and foreign affairs.

The Rest is History is already a formidable 3 and a bit years body of work covering different weekly subjects from all periods in from classical and medieval periods up to and including Brexit presented by historians Dominic Sandbrook and Tom Holland. The only problem I have with this podcast and its a problem that I have with history in general is that we don't really know for sure about the details of certain specific historical eras and therefore you are guided by historian's view of events as opposed to what we actually know as fact. Even worse there are certain 'historical' subjects in this series where it seems fairly obvious that events discussed never really happened or people described never existed. Take the episode on King Arthur for example; both Holland and Sambrook preface the episode by stating that he probably never existed. For someone who struggles to remember facts and placing historical events in some kind of chronology then its no good telling me about something that didn't happen. You may as recount the tale of the 3 little pigs!

 

January 8th 2024

Ever since the idea of 60things was born it is fair to say that the First Lady has been very supportive and offered encouragement and suggestions for my list. However I am very conscious that this is basically me saying - right this year I'm going to do loads of things that I want to do and that may leave little time for many other things that you may have had in mind. 

 

January 9th 2024

A day set aside for packing but having done so within an hour I potter off to the library to renew a book and find something else for a little holiday reading. Its a small village library which had just closed down when we first moved into the village 20 years but thankfully it reopened shortly after as a village venture being run by volunteers from the village although the facility remains  connected to the county library. It is a wonderful facility and we are lucky to have it but there always seem to be problems at the front desk. I will try and be charitable here when I say that most volunteers are retired and elderly some of whom are not quite on the ball technology wise and I guess training is not of a standard you would expect from a private enterprise. Quite often seeing them peering at their screen it looks for all the world like they brought in their wrong pair of glasses."  Today I was greeted cordially by 2 ladies each sat behind a large computer terminal. "Morning ladies" I responded. "Would it be possible to renew this book please". The look of panic in the first lady's eyes suggested it might not be possible without a degree of difficulty. The second lady however came to her rescue. "Its OK we don't charge fines here anymore so you can just keep it until you are finished". "Yes I could" I replied hesitantly "but I would like to renew it if that's all the same. I've been on the end of some serious tuts in my time when Ive brought back a book several weeks overdue so I would like to be all above board with this one". But Lady number 2 wasn't giving in lightly.. "OK but it means I shall have to return your book first and you'll then have to take it back out." I nodded and said "Thats fine, whatever works best for you" thinking that would be the end of it. "But if I return it then technically someone else could take out the book" she continued. "Right I'll tell you what" I said. "You return the book and then I'll follow you as you go and put it back on the shelf and I'll grab it before anyone else has a chance". "Ah but someone may have reserved it in which case I'll not be able to let you have it" She countered not without a hint of triumphalism in he voice I thought. "I'll take that chance" I said as I wandered off to choose another book. 

 

 

With hair cut ordeal out the way I can concentrate on packing. 

Hair cut, packing to go away - hot water bottles pyjamas, rating self catering accommodation on availability of place mats, tin foil and the number of toilet rolls. Researching best places to get coffee, volunteers at cathedral (but also library) are not professionals and often really old unable to work computers etc, Lincoln steep hill, dog farting in cafe, incident in town centre,

 

More to Lincoln that cathedral quarter. Homeless everywhere even in covered recesses of cathedral. How do you react to being asked for money, cigarette etc - ignore or engage and say sorry I have no money which is ridiculous. Clue in the name quarter! Down steep hill into shops I know - mountain warehouse, holland and Barretts, river island, an empty wilco. 40 mile trip to Nature Reserve but so cold impossible to go for a walk. Cafe and visitor centre only place in Lincolnshire that doesn’t allow dogs